002. Morning Wood.s (My Very First Dick Run)

As soon as the Instagrammian algorithms of 2019 introduced me to the genius of @DickRunClaire, I felt an intense compulsion to create a drawing of my own. If you haven’t ever come across her work on Instagram, I highly suggest doing so. Seriously. Do it. Now.

Shortly after I scrolled through her beautiful drawings like you just did (right?), I realized a trail I frequented for training very closely resembled the shape of a penis when viewing satellite imagery of the area. And my recently developed compulsion forced me to enhance this wonderful imagery with a dumbass creation of my own.

I studied the map. And I discovered that if one were to wander off into the woods for a bit, an ejaculation could occur.

But you have to have testicles to ejaculate, right? So I worked out a way to draw a pair of hairy testes by venturing off into the nearby creek.

With the route memorized in (mostly) familiar territory, I went out early on a hot August morning, started my watch, and got to work carefully moving my body through space and time to bring joy to anyone with a sense of humor.

The Route

The run/hike didn’t go exactly as planned. First times rarely do.

This route exists entirely within Breckenridge Park located in Richardson, TX.

Due to an area that was more difficult to access than I cared to attempt that morning, I made a quick decision to make the balls a little smaller than originally planned. They still got the job done, as you can see in the images above (did you catch it? not the ejaculate, the reference to the ejaculate).

The creek adventure led me to an interesting relic of the past. It’s not every day you come across a car smashed into the bank of a creek looking like something Bonnie and Clyde used and crashed during their infamous adventures. The area is about 30 minutes away from where they grew up … I wonder?

Parks, Woods and Prairies

If you were to spread seed, would you prefer to do it in the woods or in a prairie?

Dallas, and the United States as a whole, needs a serious focus on landscaping with native plants.

The City of Richardson has a great parks system. This particular park (Breckenridge) is massive and offers numerous fields for soccer as well as trails and paved paths and is primarily a spot to enjoy nature along the creek.

On the natural front, they do alright.

There is more invasive privet than I’d like to see (both Ligustrum sinense and Ligustrum japonicum). This stuff spreads easily and is difficult to eradicate. I’m still not completely sure it’s worth the effort, but I’ve seen how it completely overtakes native ecosystems to create forests of privet. I’m not convinced that’s a good thing, either.

The area inside the shaft of the penis is an excellent, excellent candidate for prairie restoration. This area of North Texas was once an ocean of tall-grass prairie before the plow and development destroyed over 99% of this ecosystem.

It makes a lot of sense to bring back and preserve as much prairie-land as reasonably possible. Native plants, of which prairies are/would be full of, support the local ecosystem in a way that other plants simply cannot.

Why consistently mow fields, wasting time and money and resources when restoring prairies not only supports the local wildlife, feeding and providing habitat for all sorts of important creatures (including us humans), but also saves cities (and their taxpayers) time and money and resources?

Well managed prairies, arguably of course, make the world a much more beautiful and interesting place. They save water, improve air and water quality, provide wildlife with food and habitat, and reduce overall maintenance thereby reducing the amount of fossil fuels and chemicals necessary to maintain the land.

In short, land maintained in a natural way is perhaps one of the least dickish things we might do with it, and I’d personally like to see a greater percentage of land managed with a restorative mindset.

The NFTs

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